Soothing Relief
for Solana Rape
Getting raped by Solana? Solanal Anti-Sol Rape Cream provides soothing relief for hemorrhoid irritation and anal discomfort caused by volatile markets. A protective barrier formula for when the charts hit different. Clinically formulated. Ethically produced. Built in public.
Three Steps to Volatility Relief
Our clinically tested formula provides targeted relief when markets get rough. No medical claims — just a calming ritual for the modern trader.
Soothing Barrier Protection
Creates a protective barrier that soothes hemorrhoid irritation and anal discomfort. Relief when Solana rapes your portfolio and your body.
Cool & Moisturize
Cooling relief with aloe vera and witch hazel. Moisturizes irritated skin while you stress-refresh charts for the hundredth time.
Recover Faster
Promotes healing for irritated tissue. Your portfolio might stay rekt, but at least your backside won't. Premium zinc oxide formula.
Premium Formulations
Two editions designed for different trading lifestyles. Same clinical formula, different form factors.
Solanal Original Edition
The original soothing formula for hemorrhoid irritation and anal discomfort from getting raped by Solana. 50ml of cooling, protective relief.
- Soothes hemorrhoid irritation & discomfort
- Zinc oxide + aloe vera barrier formula
- Cooling witch hazel for instant relief
- Manufacturing unlocks at $100k MC
Solanal Pocket Edition
Same soothing formula for hemorrhoid relief. Portable 25ml size for on-the-go emergencies when Solana rapes you in public.
- Travel-ready hemorrhoid relief
- Fits in wallet or bag
- Same zinc oxide + aloe formula
- Emergency relief anywhere
Clinically Formulated Excellence
Our formula is designed with precision. When $100k market cap is reached, we manufacture for real and document every step publicly.
Build-in-Public Manufacturing
- Formulation research and vendor shortlist
- Packaging prototypes and label iterations
- Manufacturing run with QC checks and batch logs
- Fulfillment setup, shipping, and support workflows
⚠️ Important Disclosure
Until the $100k market cap milestone is reached, Solanal is not a manufactured consumer product. This site presents a brand + packaging concept, plus a transparent plan to build it for real. Do not treat any text here as medical advice. This is a ritual, not a treatment.
What Traders Are Saying
Join thousands of traders who've discovered the calming ritual of Solanal.
"Finally, a product that understands the stress of watching charts 24/7. Solanal has become part of my daily trading ritual."
"The packaging alone is worth it. Premium feel, premium vibes. Can't wait for the actual manufacturing to begin."
"High signal brand. No cope. Clean type. This is how every meme project should present itself. Absolutely based."
Ready for Volatility Relief?
Join the waitlist and be first to receive Solanal when manufacturing begins.
Shop Solanal — From $19.99Frequently Asked Questions
Everything you need to know about Solanal.
Is Solanal a real product today?
Not yet. Solanal is a premium brand concept presented as a DTC launch. If we reach $100k market cap, we begin real-world manufacturing and document the entire process publicly.
Is Solanal affiliated with Solana?
No. Solanal is an independent project. "Solana" is used here only as cultural context and creative wordplay. We have no official affiliation with Solana Labs or the Solana Foundation.
What does Solanal actually do?
Solanal is a soothing barrier cream formulated to relieve hemorrhoid irritation and anal discomfort — the physical aftermath of getting raped by Solana volatility. Contains zinc oxide, aloe vera, and witch hazel for cooling, protective relief.
What happens at $100k market cap?
We begin the real manufacturing journey: vendor selection, compliance checks, packaging prototypes, pilot production runs, and transparent logging of all costs and decisions. Everything built in public.
How do I track shipping?
Once manufacturing begins and orders ship, you'll receive a tracking number via email. All orders include free worldwide shipping with full tracking.
What's your refund policy?
We offer a 30-day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not completely satisfied with your Solanal experience, contact us for a full refund. No questions asked.